I cant believe that 2009 is ending soon. things seems to be moving in a flash, that i cant even keep track of changes. So a year has pass and what have you learnt, Joan?

Perhaps sometimes i've wanted to much out of myself, or the people around me. The self-centredness in me seems to kick in in every aspect of my life. It's like i always expected myself to be able to achieve a certain standard or results, and when these things don't materialise, i find myself demoralised, disheartened or even hurt to a certain extent. And when you decide that these are useless pursuits in life and there's no point giving urself so much pressure, you look at the people around you and wonder if you really want to be left behind.

Sometimes, i wished i am not where i am now. I mean, look at it, im not happy being me at all, surely there's something more to life than this? surely my life has to be more significant than just doing modules after modules? What happened to those noble dreams that I've haboured a long time ago? And if i were to take a reality check, im far away from those aspirations that i had.

Ok, i may just sound like some depressed person, lamenting and ranting on her mundane and life but there doesnt seem to a way out of this predicament. I really hope that there's a breakthrough, honestly i cant see a future in me. My future just seems bleak, i really want to do something that i really really love.