EG1413 position paper has finally ended, finally case closed. Although i know that i wont be doing very well for this whole assignment. Hais... well suddenly this project kind of reminded me what happened in pw in jc. I hate taking the initiative to do stuff becos i know i definitely dont have the capabilities to take up one entire project. I remembered last time in jc, all the grp members decided to develop on my idea, thus i felt compelled to take the initiative to do more (even though i wasnt the leader, zhiwei was). In the end, despite working so hard, i still ended up with a C and the leader was the only person who had B.

Now, fast forward to 4 years later, for CTW in the end we decided to develop on Corporate Social Responsibility in the Private Education Sector, once again it was my idea and so i gave my all to this project. But when everything has completed, i still dont feel a sense of accomplishment or a sense of completeness for a few reasons.

Firstly i admit that there were some sentence structures problems that i didnt sort out, so i think that's my fault. I suddenly feel as though its like some primary school kid who wrote the whole thing, the ideas are everywhere and they dont seem to flow. CRAP! Secondly, i thought everything was almost done just a day before the final submission, none of the other two project members got back to me to feedback about the final draft so i thought it was ok to submit. And then a week after submission, we meet again to discuss about the oral defense, that was when all they start to comment about the errors here and there. So my question now is, if there were so many problems, why the hell didnt they tell me in the first place? So i'm suppose to be responsible for everything just because i took the initiative? Don't they all have a part to play as well?

Okay, perhaps they may feel that no matter what you say i probably would have changed it anyway just like what i did to the original text, but what i did was just to add more references to your arguments and change the structure just to make it more coherent. So I probably would still have listened, but the thing is that when i sent the final draft to you all you could have told me about it. I think you all just didnt give a damn, and that's the reason why i'm so piqued with this entire project. The original text you all gave me were vague and unclear, which was why i had to spend so much time going to the lib to do research. You spent the quality meeting times watching soccer, basketball and editting stupid programming codes and then whine about not being able to find information. I dont see the effort put in at all seriously.

Arghh.... This sucks really, im not surprise that i get a C for this position paper. When i look at how well others worked i really feel envious. Why do i feel that im the only person slogging for this whole paper... In short, i really hate the whole idea of this position paper as a group assignment, the process of forming a group to do the paper itself didnt begin on a good note.

Okay, so looking back at both projects (pw in jc and ctw), maybe its not the group that's the problem, maybe its my stubborness and my pride that was the problem.