All Saints' Day today, and attended mass at Holy Cross. Today's homily made quite an impact on me. The priest was talking about how people have the misconception that saints are like immortals who dont sin. But it kind of struck me hard when he said that saints are human who are vulnerable or tempted to sin just like all of us, but the difference is in their strive for holiness, the desire to know and emulate God.

I realised how much I have moved away and gave up pursuing God when so many obstacles have befallen before me. My uni results, lost of friendships, the feeling of loneliness, FYP... Although I still make it a point to go to church and serve whenever I need to, I realise I'm doing all this only as a duty or obligation. Because I dont want to appear irresponsible. My heart to worship was lost even in the midst of all these supposedly 'holy' activities.

And I guess, the significance of this feast of All Saints Day to me, is that it is humane to feel sad and perhaps even angry at all these, but at the end of the day, I should still continue to work towards holiness even if it means being obligated to do so. This doesnt really sound like a solution but it can only be the mandate for me to move on.

Smile, Joan, pick up your crosses and carry it. Look forward, dont look back on those bad times anymore, or on those who have abandoned you. Forget if you have to.