LIBERATION!!

Oh my goodness!! YISS Liberation was seriously indescribably good, haha.. there's so much to testify and give thanks about that i dunno where to start. Arghh... ok, this camp, i'm in the intercessory team once again and i have to say that this team is really very united and bonded, and i really saw what God meant in the passage Unity in the Body as in Ephesians 4. Honestly speaking, i didnt feel prepared at all before the camp since i missed out alot on meetings and spiritual prep due to exams. Nevertheless, God never fails to amaze me at each YISS, this YISS, being the third that i'm serving in, has really taught me alot and converted me.

One thing which i learnt was really to empty myself of all self-pride and self-centredness before i can minister to others. It was day two when we all sat down and prayed really hard for the healing that was to come in the night. During the time of spontaneous prayers, i felt really distracted and i couldnt really feel the presence of God or have any visions that reasonate with what my group members felt. This made me really upset and i was quite stressed over it. I felt as though God didnt want to use me anymore and i'm not fit to head the team. And so i broke down in front of my team members, (like what happened in My Glorious). One of my friends told me to go to the adoration room, and i thought maybe that would be a good idea, cos that's where i can get closer to God. Ok, so i sat at the adoration room, flipping through the bible, hoping that i might reach a passage that would speak straight into my heart and comfort me. The more i tried to find a passage, the more the passage didnt seem to minister to me at all. ( but now when i think about it, those passages would probably address my fears and concern its just that i was too busy trying to find the ideal kind of answer that i didnt analyse it hard enough). Anyway, after sitting in the room for about an hour or so, i gave up, so i came out of the room and tried to prepare myself for the healing night. I knew i wasnt prepared for the healing night and i told my co-head that i don't want to do ministering that night because i dont want to be an obstacle between God and the participants, neither do i want to say the wrong things and make things worst. So i went for sacrament of reconcillation that night because i felt that i hadnt made a good one the day before and there is remnants of sins that i hadnt confessed. Having sat at the adoration room for an hour or so, i realised the root of my problem is my self-pride and wanting to feel worthy before God. And so, i went and made a really honest confession, and i really felt God speaking through the priest and at that point, i felt the healing that i really needed.

That night, i wasn't scheduled for ministering. But God gave me the chance to comfort and console a very heartbroken participant. Initially when i went up to her, i didnt know what to say because nothing i said seemed to be able to help. I felt really helpless and i said a silent prayer to God to put the right words in my mouth. Of course, just like what God did to me for my CS programming lab questions, He didnt work instantly. After i said the prayer, the following attempts was still fruitless, but strangely enough, i felt tears welling up in my eyes. I thought i was over with my set of problems, but then i started feeling emotional again. Deep in my heart i was thinking to myself, hey im suppose to be consoling her, why am i crying as well? But things start to change for the better after i cried together with her, and my friends around also began to console and encouraged her. It was then i finally realised what God wanted to show me. He wanted me to know that I must swallow my pride, humble myself and learn to love the person right before me in order to be able to minister to others.

Following that incident, i decided to treat everyone with love.. hahaha... and i feel really happy speaking to people from the bottom of my heart. It feels like i've just given a part of myself to others, which can be a bit tiring but its a good feeling. In the subsequent days of the camp, i saw many of the intercessory members really using their God given talents really well, those who could direct us to bible verses gave us directions on where God wanted us to go, those who could see visions helped us realised what in specific we need to pray about, those who could discern well confirms messages from God. It's jus amazing, im somehow reminded of the show The Ten Brothers where all of the brothers were gifted in some ways. As for me, although i dont see visions very easily or flip through the bible very accurately, i just know God uses me to speak to people around me.