OKay, my mind is in a very big mess right now, im still trying to internalise everything that has happened with the last few hours. Maybe i should like replay everything that has happened.

Today, being Friday, there was morning lecture so i had to get up early and head to school. On my way to sch, i was wondering if i should make a trip down to HSA to donate blood since its been awhile since my last unsuccessful blood donation. The lecture ended at 12, i headed to Engineering Pc Cluster to complete my lab report knowing that this weekend would be quite a busy weekend once again. At around 3+, i completed my lab report and took a bus 33 to outram park and on the journey, my thoughts start to wander again, like they always do.

Yes, i have to admit, the past week was hard, struggling with my emotions, been complaining and lamenting about all the things that i really didnt like doing. I really didnt like to be in this current predicament, school results not getting anywhere, tonnes of church stuff waiting to be done, so many things that i didnt want to but still have to care about... i thought, perhaps all i need is to take a break and preoccupy myself with things so that i wouldnt be mulling and emoing about things that are not going the way i want it to be. But no, the so-called distractions didnt work, i think im quite foolish to think that i can distract myself from all the problems by scaring myself into donating blood. You see, the last time i failed to donate successfully cos my vein was too small and i end up having bruises, so i thought maybe this time i would try again and have all my attention fixated on donating blood later. But guess what, I got rejected by the nurse this time. She said my vein was too small and if i continue, it will just be like last time, bruising all over. So she gave me the "heart" squishy thing to exercise my vein. Ok, attempt to escape from problems, FAIL!

Then i went to meet meiy and kaifeng (kf) for dinner. Yes, initially i thought it was just a casual dinner, like a normal gathering. We ate at MOF, had desserts, cha shoba and some fried chicken. Then someone suggested going to Padang to see the NDP set up so i was like why not, at least it can help me escape from problems again. Then, dunno how come, from Padang become war memorial park, then suddenly kf disappeared into the darkness, left me and meiy sitting on a marble slab talking. I was tricked into believing that kf went to toilet then meiy brought me to some ulu corner of the park with some tea lights on the ground. On the ground, was the word "JIA YOU". And i was shocked cos i didnt expect that to be for me. As in i thought is some passerby, leave it there so creepily, but no, it was for me. Initially i couldnt understand why, as in why they did that, so i thought maybe its just to encourage me not to give up for this special sem. But then, i realised that it was meiy's idea to cheer me up after reading all the emo blog entries.

Hmm.. yes, indeed im shocked and touched, bcos i never expected to receive such support from friends. As in, i've always been used to bottling things up myself, and maybe hope to get over it on my own will, but today, i've just realised that actually there are ppl around me who can be part of this "get over it" process. I always thought that friends are important as an outlet to pour out to and that's the end of it. But today, i've just realised that, somewhere in my definition of friendship, i missed out a very important element, its not about coming together to solve problems, its also about emotional support.

All these while, i've always been expecting solutions, answers to problems, but it never really occurred to me most of the time, i've neglected the emotional aspect to things. I've always thought of church stuff as a bunch of problems waiting for me to solve, there's an issue/problem and i'm suppose find a solution. To me, as long as the problem still exists, it means i've failed thoroughly, but somehow, its this thing about being there for those whom you call friends, yes, the problem exists but besides the problem, perhaps all one needs is to have an emotional support, to continuously nudge you on, to be the one filling you with water in a race, give you strength.

So after the whole "Jia You" episode, i took the train home, checked my phone and saw a missed call from the PRESIDENT!! If ur thinking its the most honoured guy at NDP, no, its not, its the i-dunno-what-to-say president of Teens Connect. Ok, so its one of the days when he's making his infamous disappearance, leaving everything to me again. So what else am i to say,

P: Spread the Love Project you oversee tomorrow ok?
Me: Ok.
P: Youth Mass you lectoring hor?
Me: Yah. (*ah... i forgot about youth mass)
P: Another thing, there's a 3 minute airtime for recruitment?
Me: (frowns)... uh huh... what am i going to say?
...

Once i hung up, i was off to making frantic phone calls to cancel my movie outing. Okay, i admit, i completely forgot about the whole youth mass thing, so i deserve the punishment of having to call ppl last min to take over my movie ticket. After settling all the necessary stuff, i sat back and thought to myself. All that happened today, happened for a reason. I realised i've been running away from and not facing my problems and trying to solve them. I met Cheryl (the previous President) at the bus interchange and even she could tell that something was wrong, yet i was still trying to run away. Running away is just sweeping things under the carpet, at the end of the day, they will just resurface, so what am i going to do? Take one step at a time then. It's not just above solving the problem, there's always something else....