Gosh, I tried to type something for the past 10mins, only to find myself deleting everything. It's not that I'm too frustrated to write anything, but there's so many things on my mind that I don't know where to start with.

A week ago, I was still feeling sad over not being allocated any FYP modules. Although I remember telling myself that the topic or project itself is not important, is the process that has a greater importance and significance. But lo and behold, those prep talk dont seem to help, i still cried in the end. Now, looking back, it wasnt becos of the projects that I was sad about, no, i dont love the projects more than i love myself. It was probably becos of my pride, the feeling of losing out to most other people that made me sad. And it made me realised that the reason why I'm so afraid of failures is becos im afraid to lose, so afraid that i would lose my sense of pride in front of others. True enough, I realised that this part of me has cost me alot in terms of friendship and studies. A friendship could have been salvaged if i hadnt back out just after a disappointment, i could have done better if i had just swallowed my pride and asked even if i really hated to look stupid.

It became to dawn on me that certain disappointments or unfortunate incidents happen for a reason. If I had been able to look beyond the circumstances alone or cared less about those negative feelings and take things more positively, perhaps there would be a turn at the end of the road. Just like in the case of the fyp allocation, at least there was a second chance for me to reconsider my decisions.